She Needs to Hear It (and You Need to Say It)

I’ll never forget the message that flipped the script for me—and spoiler alert: it wasn’t shiny, rehearsed, or bathed in flawless transitions. It was a hot mess with a holy purpose. And it was mine.

For years, I did the “good speaker girl” thing. You know the drill—craft the kind of message that keeps the event planner smiling, toss in a tasteful anecdote, make sure it’s biblically sound and emotionally safe. Bless it. Stamp it. Deliver it.

It wasn’t me. It was like wearing someone else’s sequined blazer—cute on the hanger, awkward on my shoulders. I was performing a message instead of living one.

Then came the day I got up and shared about a friendship that broke right in half—and how I helped swing the hammer. No polish. No PowerPoint. Just a whole lot of nerves, a shaky voice, and the truth I’d been too scared to speak.

I laid it bare: the loss, the grief, the guilt that had followed me like toilet paper stuck to my spiritual shoe.

Afterward, a woman came up with tears running down her face like mascara at youth camp. She said, “You were speaking directly to me.”

She told me about her own friendship fracture—the kind that makes you feel like the last girl picked for God’s team. She’d been carrying that shame alone until my messy little story gave her permission to exhale. To not be okay. To feel seen.

That’s when it hit me: she’s always out there. The one woman in the crowd who needs your voice, your story, your messy, grace-filled truth. Not the Sunday school version. Not the one with tidy bows and theological disclaimers. Just you, sister. You and Jesus and the healing He’s done in you.

Listen, I’ve coached hundreds of speakers—rock stars, rookies, and everything in between—and here’s what I’ve learned: the biggest block isn’t fear. It’s forgetting who you’re talking to.

They ask, “What should I talk about?” when the better question is, “Who is she—and what does she need from me?”

She is the whole reason you’re holding that mic.

When you see her—really see her—you stop performing and start connecting. You stop worrying about polish and lean into purpose. You quit trying to sound like a TED Talk and start sounding like truth.

Here’s how I coach speakers to find their message (spoiler: it’s not a formula—it’s a faith move):

• What do you want her to FEEL?

Don’t aim for applause—aim for awakening. Hope instead of despair? Courage instead of shame? Like maybe—just maybe—God hasn’t forgotten her?

• What do you want her to KNOW?

What lie is she believing that you get to kick to the curb? What truth about God does she need tattooed on her heart?

• What do you want her to DO?

Not a to-do list. A faith step. A soul shift. What’s the next small move she can make with trembling hands and a big God?

Friend, your voice—yes, yours—is an assignment, not an accident. So grab the mic, ditch the script, and speak straight to her heart.

She needs to hear it.

And you were called to say it.

Question: Think about the last time you heard a speaker get truly vulnerable—how did it impact you? And here’s the harder question: what’s one messy, grace-filled truth from your own journey that someone in your audience might be desperately waiting to hear? I look forward to reading your comments.

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