Take T.I.M.E. for Love

Your love is a lighthouse! As Speak Up Christian Communicators, one of your strongest, most effective tools for sharing the gospel is your marriage. Our life verse is 1 John 4:19, “We love because He [God] first loved us.” We are all conduits of God’s light of love. 

So, as ministry-minded marriage couples, how much time does it take to stay in love for a lifetime? In our book, Red Hot Monogamy, we explain the minimum time commitment we have seen necessary to maintain the connectedness needed for a healthy strong marriage (and a sizzling romantic life).

This month, make some T.I.M.E. for love:

Ten to twenty minutes to talk together alone every day.

We first learned the skill and importance of dialoguing when we, as newlyweds, went to a United Christian Marriage Encounter. We saw the intense power of connection after we had each written a simple love letter on a topic then read the letter aloud to one another. The process is simple, but the results are profound. Many of the most happily married couples we know, those with a spark in their eyes even after 30, 40, 50 years together, have found the magic in the small things: a cup of coffee and conversation in the morning or a walk around the block in the evening. This is also the reason we place couple communication questions in all of the books we author.

Invest in a weekly date night (or date breakfast or lunch) together for at least 4 hours (It takes a couple hours to emotionally reconnect).

We believe in the weekly date time so much that we actually schedule two of these a week because sometimes life interrupts. We schedule a romantic date night AND we also have what we call a Monday Morning Marriage Meet Up. Having a “business meeting” for marriage keeps you pulling in the same directions TOGETHER, and it also keeps your weekly date night cleared for fun and romance. To make the Marriage Meeting more enjoyable, we created a Marriage Meet Up Devotional Planner: For Couples That Want More Passion, Purpose and Productivity.  We include a weekly template plus marriage building devotionals. We like to say:

Coffee + Conversation = Couple Connection

We also believe in scheduling sex, which gives you something to look forward to on the most hectic of weeks! (One happily married pastoral couple chose Wednesday after evening service. Often, she will call him at work and whisper to him, “It’s Wednesday!”)

A weekly date doesn’t have to cost much either. In Red Hot Monogamy we give over 200 red hot romantic ideas and many of them you can pull off for pennies. Here are a few:

• If you hear “your song” on the radio, simply call his/her cell phone or send a song link in a text.

• Create a photo postcard of the two of you and on the backside write a thank you for that special memory and an invitation out to another romantic activity.

• Take a walk down memory lane: Go to the place you had your first date, first kiss, said “I love you,” got engaged or honeymooned.

• Check a book out of the library or buy a book of love poems. Sit in front of the fireplace in each other’s arms and take turns reading poems to each other. Or write one yourself and read it aloud to your mate.

• Create a series of thank you notes. Send one a day for as many days as you can think of things to thank your mate for. One line on each card day after day will make a bigger impact.

• Each of you take a blank set of Post-It™ notes (each choose your own color), then exchange the notes randomly. Place them on the bathroom mirror, on the rear-view mirror in the car, on his golf clubs, in her briefcase, inside his shoe, etc.

• Use everyday items to send a unique set of messages. For example, use the title of a candy bar with a note that says, “You are a Big Hunk or a note on a box of cereal reading, “You are my Life.

• Write your own “feature” article about your spouse who was just named, “World’s Greatest Lover.” Include all their best traits and add in a photo and frame it!

• Have dinner someplace different in your home: in front of the fireplace, on the rooftop, on the patio or balcony out back, in the attic, under the tree in the back yard, etc.

• Use inexpensive dime store Valentines to create a trail of clues that lead to a romantic destination. You can also make this into a car rally by taping the Valentines around town, around the mall or leave taped to your friend’s front doors.

Make a monthly day away policy.

At least once a month, spend 8-12 uninterrupted hours together. This can be anything you both enjoy: a sport, a hobby or try new activities together. (To maximize this, make sure you schedule a few moments of privacy in case you want to fan the flame on your love and have a little red-hot monogamy) Sometimes parents of young children find it difficult to find overnight childcare, but if you will at least commit to returning from your date when they are already put to bed, you can turn your own home into a B and B and make it seem like you “got away” and were a couple again. 

Escape quarterly (or at least bi-annually) away for a 48-hour weekend. If you can swing this, select one weekend for a marriage conference and a second weekend for rest, relaxation, and romance. Nothing is as nice as unplugging from life to stir the embers of love. If you can’t get out of town, try a mini staycation. You can select a Christian marriage building book (several Speak Up faculty and graduates have written excellent options.) For romance, lock the bedroom door and ask and answer a few questions that will fan the flame on love:

• What lighting sets the mood for you? Why?

• What sounds and aromas set your heart ablaze? Why?

• What words do you love me to whisper? Why? 

• What sights make your heart dance? A view? A sunset? The majestic? Quaint and cozy? Great art? Unique and eclectic? 

• What is one simple change we can each suggest that would make our bedroom more romantic?

• When we can next take a vacation, what places would we each like to travel to? Why?

• Which letter in T.I.M.E. can we make an improvement on first? 

• Lastly, share some of your favorite romantic memories then THANK each other for making TIME for romance.

Enjoy your T.I.M.E.!

Question:  In the middle of a busy life and ministry, what is one way you and your spouse make time for each other?