When I Forgot What I Forgave

I spoke at a retreat for several sessions. I had a good theme going and felt good about my presentations—and the people seemed to respond. In the afternoon, I sat on one patio of the retreat center talking with attendees and getting to know them. A woman asked to speak to me privately. I moved some chairs around and prepared to listen to her. She launched into an attack, saying hurtful words about my presentation and my style—she didn’t like me or my message, and she was blunt about it. I listened and tried to freeze my face into a pleasant look.

As soon as I could leave that patio gracefully, I ran across the lawns of the retreat center to the house where my husband George and I were staying. He was on the closed-in porch reading. I opened the door and leapt into his lap sobbing. In those moments, I decided I would quit speaking and close our businesses, go home, and never come out in public again. 

Discouragement is a spiritual pain that can push us to quit.

Two friends came by and found me in that condition. When I told them what had happened, they “talked me off the cliff” and encouraged me enough so I could finish the conference. And I didn’t quit speaking or ministry or become a recluse. God helped me work through the pain and forgive the lady who had hammered me. 

About a year ago, one of those friends said, “Remember the time when that woman hurt your feelings so much? What was it she said to you?” 

As hard as I tried, I couldn’t remember, and I still don’t remember. 

Because God healed the hurt and the pain, he had also taken away the memory. If I had let the pain simmer, I would have remembered. 

That’s what God can do with your pain. 

Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” He removes the sting of hurtful words and causes you to forgive the most unthinkable actions of another person. 

And he never wants us to stop our ministry or quit on our calling because someone is thoughtless or mean. It’s hard to overcome criticism that cuts us deeply, but we have been called by God to be communicators in speaking and writing. And when some people think we are fair game for their vitriol, what should we do?

1. Find friends who love you and speak hope. 

My husband and friends helped me see God’s calling rather than one person’s hateful words. And they convinced me not to quit.

2. Fill your life with God’s Word. 

Psalm 119:103 says, “How sweet your words taste to me, they are sweeter than honey.” You will always find the truth and hope in the Bible. 

3. Forgive the person. 

Even if they don’t apologize or relent, forgive. When we pray, asking God to shower blessings on the person who hurt us, we discover forgiveness and peace. And amazingly, we are free.

4. Forget the incident. 

Never rehearse the words they said or the words you wish you’d said. Instead, concentrate on forgetting. God will help you leave it behind. Ask him.

5. Focus on the future. 

Jesus has big plans for you, but our enemy wants to derail those plans. Never look back at the painful moments. Be motivated by Jeremiah 29:11 and by the opportunity to share Jesus with others. When you look at him, you won’t see the pain.

“Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me

 and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise”

 (Jeremiah 17:14 NIV).

Question:  What do you need to forget?

Travel with Gene & Carol Kent on the “Footsteps of Paul” trip to Greece on September 8-16, 2025, with an optional Israel extension on September 16-20, 2025. Airfare is now listed with the cost. For more information, email carol@carolkent.org.