Do you think you need to wait until your life is perfect before you become a mentor? When I was speaking at a women’s weekend getaway at Sandy Cove Christian Conference Center in Maryland, I was struck with the age diversity in the group. The audience was filled with a variety of teens, young adult single women, new moms with their babies, along with middle-aged women, and older women.
One of the sessions included a discussion led by women’s ministries director Lisa Meredith on intergenerational mentoring that featured a panel of women from every season of life. The testimonials revealed how they met, what constituted mentoring, and the mutual benefits. Within a short time, a young woman named Jordyn Baker stood up and spoke:
“For various reasons I spent a large portion of my life believing there was no place for me in what seemed to be cookie-cutter Christianity. To me, it appeared that Christianity was full of perfect women who had life figured out. With all the effort in the world I couldn’t relate to such a thing.
It’s by the grace of God I came across Candelaria Bradbury. If there was some sort of rule about keeping up an image or maintaining a facade, Cande missed the memo. Vulnerability is her gift and because she and her family invited me into their unfiltered, messy, beautiful lives, I came to understand that I not only had a place in Christianity, but there was no other place I’d rather be than in the Kingdom of God.”
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We live in a society that isn’t very good at fostering inter-generational relationships. Our culture has permitted only a narrow window of perceived importance—roughly spanning the ages of 17 to 30, and this makes me sad. As believers, it’s vital that we recognize the importance of intergenerational relationships, and that we deny the temptation to hide our fears and insecurities behind the masks of “perfect.”
Jordyn, the young woman who spoke earlier said:
“Today a panel of women talked about relationships with younger women. One mentioned that she felt under-qualified because she didn’t have Snapchat, didn’t look a certain way, and didn’t feel ‘cool enough.’ I want to speak to that.
We need you. We do not need to come to your perfectly clean home for a three-course meal and crafted conversation. Everything fed to us in today’s society is filtered and perfected. We don’t need anymore of that nonsense by which to measure ourselves.
Here’s what we need:
—to help prepare a meal with you
—to stop by unannounced and help you fold socks
—to go grocery shopping with you
—to be invited into your real lives—unfiltered.
The truth is—it’s not in spite of your “lack of Snapchat” or “lack of perfected bodies” (or however you manage to disqualify yourself) that we need you—it is because of those things! We don’t need you to be like us!
We need you to be:
—brave and confident
—adventurous
—vulnerable
—comfortable in your own skin
We need you to tell us that you never really ‘have it all together’ and that life is more about finding God’s beauty and love in the journey than it is about becoming some perfect individual. We need you to show us what it looks like to be real women.
Why? So that when we are married with kids and we go a whole day in our pajamas, or when we are thirty and have no husband and nothing figured out—we can have an actual, physical reference to the fact that there is no such thing as ‘figured out’ or ‘perfect.’ And that even in those times we can know that we are completely lovable and normal. Without your authenticity our example is in the hands of liars.”
Think about it: What makes a good mentor? What has your experience been? What holds you back from accepting the opportunity to mentor? What is your response to this honest letter from Jordyn Baker? Let’s start a movement—no more perfect mentors!
I hope you’ll take the time to consider this topic and comment. Did you have a mentor—either for a season of your life, or for much longer than that? If yes, what did you learn? What help did you receive? If you haven’t had a mentor, what do you most need from an older, wiser, more seasoned sister, or from an experienced Christian leader?
Has your lack of perfection ever held you back from mentoring a younger person? Has your busy schedule kept you from including mentoring as a part of what you “give back” to others in your life and ministry?
Bob Proctor said: “A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you than you see in yourself—and helps bring it out of you.”
Question: How have you been helped by a mentor? How have you been able to help someone else who needed wisdom or guidance?
About Carol Kent
Carol Kent is a bestselling author and an international speaker for conferences, outreach events, and retreats. She’s the executive director of the Speak Up Conference, an event committed to helping people develop their speaking and writing skills. She and her husband, Gene, have founded the nonprofit organization, Speak Up for Hope, which benefits inmates and their families. Carol holds a master’s degree in communication arts and a bachelor’s degree in speech education. Carol has trained Christian speakers for over twenty-five years, and she has been a featured speaker at Women of Faith, Extraordinary Women, and Women of Joy arena events. She is the author of over twenty-five books, including the bestselling When I Lay My Isaac Down, Becoming a Woman of Influence, and He Holds My Hand. Check out her newest book for Mother’s Day, Life Lessons for Moms. Connect with Carol at www.carolkent.org.
I have been mentored by different women throughout my growing up & young adult years. But today when I think of mentoring a young woman I feel much like what I read. I’m not a Bible scholar. I’ve been through lots of grief & I’ve been angry at God many times. What could I teach a young woman about life other than what mine is or has been & it has been wonderful but also demanding & sad with many losses. I’ve gone through depression & fell short many times. So I ask myself, “What would I teach a young woman?” And I do feel I have much to offer but I don’t feel I am the example of a mentor that the church is looking for. I feel they are looking more for a Bible teacher & a younger woman who has it all together & lives a fairly normal life.
Thank you for allowing me to express what I feel inside.
Louise Tucker Jones.
Thanks so much for your comment, Louise. You have SO MUCH to offer younger women. I think one of the most important things we can do is to pray that God will direct our paths to cross with someone who needs the encouragement, compassion, skills, and spiritual knowledge that we have to offer. I’m so glad we don’t have to be perfect–just available!
Thank you Carol. Still grieving the recent death of my son, Jay, & I feel God calling me to write about that but I’m needing His direction in the process & the waiting & the mourning & feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes it’s hard to find God’s love in the grief. And many don’t understand that but I know there are others wanting someone to speak up & say, “I understand!”
This is wonderfully encouraging. I love Jordyn’s insight. Thank you for sharing and challenging us to step into relationships through mentoring. 🩷👏🏻 I’ve often felt inadequate, but believing this lie gives the enemy opportunity to restrict God’s work and power.
Mary, your comment gives a voice to so many women who feel inadequate when it comes to mentoring. I believe as we allow those who are younger than we are in age and/or in spiritual maturity walk beside us–flaws and all–they relate to us much more than if we were models of perfection.
Spot On! We can’t forget that it’s in our weakness that HE is strong. (The focus; the real help; the answer to every honest question.)
Sheri, your reminder that in our weakness He is strong gives all of us the courage to mentor others. You have modeled what it means to live out that biblical principle. Thanks so much for your comment.
I so agree! We as older women are so needed! Thank you Carol.
Thank you, Leslie! You are a blessing.
Carol, for some reason this post did not come to my inbox (and I should be subscribed), but delightfully my own mentee forwarded it to me! Thank you for this reminder that we seasoned sisters don’t have to struggle with “never being enough” but rather simply invite younger women into our lives to walk alongside us, messy lives and all. Beautifully written!
We have a family reunion the same week as Speak Up this July, but I plan to be there in 2025. Also praying for your next speaking commitment at the facility on the 27th. Sending much love!
Maggie, you are the kind of mentor we long for–a praying, encouraging, godly, uplifting, and gifted woman of God. Thank you for your investment in many women who are growing in their own ability to influence others.