When Your Hidden Life Doesn’t Match Your Message

In the middle of an intense argument, my adult son stormed out to his car and drove away. As I watched from the window, something hit me.

Just the day before, I had submitted a book manuscript. In it, I repeatedly warned against the condescending, harsh, judgmental attitudes I had just put on full display with my son. The words—still fresh on the page—testified that I knew better. My heart sickened at the obvious gap between what I taught and how I lived. I felt exposed, like I had failed a test I didn’t know was being filmed.

Who are you to be writing books and teaching the Bible? You’re such a hypocrite. 

Are you ever sickened by the discrepancy between your private life and public words? Do you quietly wonder if someone with your marriage, your family tensions, your past, or your addictions should really be writing, speaking, or leading others?

When the gap appears between what we say and how we live, how we respond matters.

Questioning My Credibility

The longer I walk with Jesus, the more I am aware that I am deeply flawed. Yet my credibility has always rested—not on my righteousness, but Christ’s. I am saved because of the life He lived, not the one I’m living. He alone perfectly lived what He taught. Still, that doesn’t mean I should just throw up my hands and cave into sin. 

God holds those who teach His Word to a higher standard (James 3:1). That standard applies not only on platforms, but in private. Scripture repeatedly warns how prone leaders are to hypocrisy. Our response to hidden flaws matters deeply to God, and Jesus clearly shows us what that response should be.

Start With the Hidden Part

The Pharisees were the biggest “influencers” of Jesus’s day. They were devoted to Scripture and passionate about obedience. Yet what was the fruit of their ministry? Jesus said: 

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.” (Matthew 23:13)

This was the Tuesday before Jesus’s crucifixion, and Jesus turned from teaching the temple crowds to confronting the Pharisees. Because of their hypocrisy, they were not only locking themselves out of heaven, they were slamming its door in other people’s faces as well. Not exactly a fruitful ministry. What was the problem? Jesus used a string of “woe to you” statements to diagnose it: Their hypocrisy. Then He gave a single imperative: 

“First clean the inside of the cup, so that the outside of it may also become clean” (Matthew 13:26). 

Picture reaching for your favorite mug in the cupboard. It looks shiny and clean, but when you peer inside, it’s filled with germ infested grime. The inside doesn’t match the outside. This is hypocrisy. The word “hypocrite” originally referred to an actor—someone wearing a mask. One identity conceals another.  

Clean the Inside First

We tend to focus on polishing the parts others see. We arrange our words for books and stages. We pick out flattering outfits and lovely book covers. We ignore the inside of the cup. We keep our inner grime hidden. Private. We’re afraid to even peer in. But God sees. He knows. And He created us to be whole, authentic people, with no distinction between our hidden and public lives. 

Jesus said to start with the inside. The hidden part is the priority. So what should we do when that gap between what we say and how we live is exposed? Performance isn’t the response; repentance is. When we confess our sin to God and one another (James 5:16), God promises to cleanse us (I John 1:9). He washes the inside of the cup—not begrudgingly, but gladly. God doesn’t merely tolerate our humility; He delights in it.  He releases power to run through it (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

Aligning Life and Message

The day that my son drove away, I had done exactly what I had written not to. And now I had a choice. I could retreat in shame and blame shift. I could go polish up my manuscript. Or I could deal with the inside of my cup—the part Jesus said to start with. So, before my son even made it out of the neighborhood I called and confessed my sin. I told him how wrong I had been, and he forgave me. God did too. 

Ironically, this moment didn’t disqualify me from ministry. It invited God’s power! For His power flows, not through perfection, but through humble, brokenness and repentant lives. God wants to wash the inside of our cup. The hidden part. He wants to make our lives match our messages.

Think of your most recent writing or speaking project. Does your hidden life match your public message? Is God asking you to clean the inside of the cup?

Question:  What’s one area where you’ve felt the gap between your message and your private life most acutely? How did God meet you there?

---