Why Does God Allow Father Wounds?

There was a season in my adult life where I felt betrayed by God.  I could not understand why He created men and women with a desire to be fathered only to allow father wounds in men and women. It just didn’t make sense.  How could a loving God allow it?

Prior to this time in my life, I had not been angry with God.  In fact, I tried (unsuccessfully) to follow all the rules. I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday. I didn’t curse, lie, cheat, drink, or steal.  I did everything I thought I was supposed to do. Subconsciously I began to view Christianity as a contractual relationship where my performance was payment for answered prayers.  However, when my prayers went unanswered, I became disillusioned with God. 

In my mind He became a cruel manipulator, sitting high and crafting painful experiences at will. God knew I would struggle, spending years in a perpetual cyclone of low self-esteem, anger, lust, depression, shame, and guilt. Why didn’t He just step in and alter my life?  He could have.   God in His infinite power could supply every newborn baby girl with a loving father in an instant, but He doesn’t.

Why?

Doesn’t He care?

Is He not concerned about the pain of millions of women (and men) all over the world?

I was not the first person to ask these questions.  It was a repackaged version of, “Why does God allow suffering?” Sickness? Death? Murder? Rape? Abuse?  How can these horrible realities continue to persist in the presence of the Almighty God?  Frustrated and questioning, I stepped into the ring and boxed with God for years. 

I swung punches and He countered with gentleness.  I blamed Him and He loved me unconditionally.  The final bell sounded, and I went to my corner—defeated by a compassionate God. 

What I Learned

• Christianity is not “rule worship” and God can’t be manipulated.

I am not a perfect Christian (That does not exist).  I am flawed, broken, and in desperate need of a Savior.  My relationship with Christ is a passionate expression of my gratitude for Him embracing a sinner like me.  It is not a list of rules I follow with the expectation that Christ will do what I say in return.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, But Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”  Galations 2:20 (NIV)  

• Everyone has trouble (even fathered women).

In this life no one gets a “pain pass.”   Even if a girl grows up with the love and affirmation of her father, she will still have challenges to overcome.  No one lives a life void of difficulties.  

“… In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16: 33 (NIV) 

“. . .for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” Matthew 5:45 (NIV)

• Christ himself suffered for my sake (first).

If Christ bore rejection, shame, betrayal, loneliness, and pain beyond comprehension.  How can I expect not to have my own share of suffering?  

“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.” 1 Peter 2: 21 (NIV) 

• Suffering does not change the nature of God.  Period.

God loves me infinitely.  I cannot predicate His love for me on what He does or does not do. 

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV)

• God has the power to fill a father-shaped vacuum in our soul. 

The reality is, there are many things I will never do with my earthly dad, but I have the opportunity to spend a lifetime and eternity being loved by my Heavenly Father. 

“Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.”  Psalms 27: 10 (NIV)

• Suffering has a purpose.

My “why me” mentality has turned into a “why not me” outlook.  If I had not experienced growing up without my father I would not be writing the very blog you are reading today.  There is purpose in my pain—and there’s purpose in your pain, too.

I don’t know what your father wound experience has been, but I do know none of your tears will be wasted!  God will take the broken pieces of your life and make them a beautiful portrait for others to view.  You experienced father wounds for a purpose that only God knows.  I encourage you to take your boxing gloves off, step out of the ring and allow God to be the Heavenly Father you long for.    

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those (fatherless daughters) who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28 (NIV)

Question:  How have you overcome father wounds or other hurts from your past as you have moved into leadership?